Traveler in Training

Here's a post to help all you casual Amtrakkers out there. I"ll keep it up to date as I extend my Am-treks beyond the Oceanside-Fresno loop, but I've discovered a few gems worth sharing.

First off, for fellow San Diegans going north to visit, you'll find that there are no rail north of LA.  Instead, you get  bus (also now with wifi, just like the trains!).  You'll be forced to detrain in LA at Unions station which has it's own fair share of eateries.  Often this is a short stop since the time from OSD to LAX (as the station is overloadedly called) is pretty predictable, unnecessitating a long layov   However, your second layover in BFD (yes, Bakersfield is a BFD) may have a pleasant hour to kill depending on LA traffic.   Lastly, you'll land in HNF or FNO depending on how dairy you're feeling.

The Gems

BFD...

...has a 5-10 mins walk from the station to Mi Peru - a Peruvian restaurant with an unusual (and good!) beer selection (author feigning pure sobriety after a St. Sabastian Dark).  They offer food to go (waited ~15 mins for my order) - good time to try a craft Mexicali brew, like Day of the Dead.  Even the teetotaler will find Mi Peru an unexpected pleasantry on their journey north, especially with the prize train station alternative is vending-machine tuna and crackers.

The shortest path is also the most scenic:

1. If looking at the train tracks, follow them to the right - that's West (so look for the setting sun if traveling at dusk.
2. You'll approach cross through a cul de sacish piece of parking lot as you approach a bridge (which crosses something like Ave Q).  On the right side jut before crossing, you'll find a staircase that goes down to a foot path under the bridge along the Q
3. Follow said path along pretty waterway.  As it T's into California, J-walk across to the small building with busy signage.  Upon closer inspection, you will find you have arrived.
4. Eat, drink and be merry, for you now have 30 mins to catch your train. 

HNF...

...Smells like burning sulfur.  In the hot summer, you may mistake your living state, but this is normalcy for us country types.  Get off your derrière and take the dairy dare to eat at Superior Dairy.  If you're the liverwurst, they got you covered.  If not, don't tell me it's a texture thing: just acknowledge that your Germanic grandma introduced you to the delicacy at too young an age to appreciate it and thereby ruined you.  Our foremothers failed to gently ween us from the Frankfurtish gateway meat into less-muscle-centric meats, and now we all scoff at gizzards.   So sad.  Even if you lack the liverlust, Superior has an SOS sundae that will blow your mind (and freeze your brain). 

FNO...

...should have kept the more comical initials of its airport brethren: FAT.  With too few puns to introduce this paragraph: Shepherd's Inn.  It's across the street from the station and use to house local shepherds in the ~25 rooms there.  The rooms are no longer for rent, but the restaurant and Scotch-filled bar are very (enjoyably) available.  The main waitress is from Texas, so if you want a conversation about some biggish city surrounded by farm land that isn't Fresno, I guess you have an option.  

Oh ya, and it's Basque, which means you can pay $2 more for "Basque Style" food which means you get like 5-7 courses all served in a row.   Funny how "American style" isn't the gluttonous one.  

Bon Appétrak!

To Love and/or Respect

Every blue moon there's a union of secular and church wisdom.   

Most hot "practical"  topics between the camps today have to do with relationship: marriage between those who have the gay and divorce between those who don't.  Creation, abortion and Sunday's off have been simmering on the back burner for years as Lovin' has boiled up front ever since Prop (H)8.

Here I want to scope an idea to the heteros.  

Mainly, I think there are differences between the genders that go beyond what's between the legs and perhaps even beyond what's between the ears (ie gendered souls).  From here we find some Biblical insight which makes its way into many marriage vows: to love and respect.  This started with a simply verse in the Bible telling husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands.  We don't get much more insight from the text other than that the implications were gender specific.  

Dr. Eggerichs expounds in a book on marriage advice.  The concept is that women desire to be loved more than they desire respected, and men desire to be respected more than they desire to be loved.  Similarly, women find it easier to love than to respect (love the unrespectable, such as the inept child) , while men find it easier to respect than to love (respect the unlovable, such as the a-hole boss).  He goes on to note that as one gender isn't getting what they need (she's not feeling loved, he's not feeling respected) then couple enters a downward spiral.  He withdraws love, she feels hurt and withdraws respect, so he withdraws even more love.  The solution is to fake-it-till-you-make it: men, show love even if you'r not feeling it, and will make her feel more fulfilled and jumpstart her showing respect back.  A hazard Eggerichs points out is that because of each gender's strength in either loving or respecting, then doing the opposite will take conscious work (ie it's hard for women to be respectful to a man, especially if they feel like he's messing up or not being respectable.)

While this notion gets flamed for painting women as weaker or men as dominating since "respect" is often interchanged with "submit", or people get bent because really both genders desire both love and respect, my conversations with trusted women seem to unveil some truth to this difference of love and respect in the genders.  And recently, I realized an overlap with secular wisdom when it comes to romancing a woman.  Here's the twist I'm putting on it: Assuming Eggerichs' idea is true, what if it implies that a woman will tolerate reduced respect if she is feeling more loved in the process, and that a man will tolerate a reduced amount of love if it is framed in additional respect.  I might even say that each could thrive better if they gave up on receiving the "minority" action.  The woman who follows in the dance with full submission often finds it the better dance.  The man often wins with "happy wife, happy life".  Similarly, a woman who's into 50 shades of naughty time often finds that the apparent sacrifice of respect and being taken in an act of love resonates more deeply than receiving compliments about her accomplishments.  And a man who is told "I think it's amazing how hard you can work at your job for the family and still have time to help around the house" suddenly becomes a Marvel hero even though the value expressed was largely utilitarian, as opposed to "I think you're so handsome" or "I just love you so much".

Playah say what?

Kiss the girl.  Afraid you'll scare her off?  Maybe you will.  Who cares.  Even if she feels you moved too fast, didn't respect her boundaries, has a boyfriend, thinks you just want her for the physical, whatever - be a man.  And then you will feel better about yourself for growing a pair.  And strangely she will probably like you a lot more too. Why?  Because after the rape-kiss, she feels loved.  She feels so desirable because you just transcended common sense, social norms your own fears and even her sense of respect because you love her so much.

The hesitant uncertain awkwardness can be kind of cute, but the man who risks offending his love interest in order to show that love is most definitely hot.  Many good marriages have been made with men who delayed and were tentative, but my point is that many men who were very sure of what they wanted and in some way "took" it - those men highlighted this Christian love/respect complement in a very Secular way.  Or maybe it's simply True rather than Christian or Secular...

The key here is that love trumped respect and it ended up being for the better.  The point is not to rush for rushing's sake, but for the man to realize it's okay to override the will of his love if it's for their good (especially when it's just for her own good) if it means she'll know how much he loves her.  I've seen several times where boundaries have were established by the woman in a relationship, and the relationship fell apart because the man didn't bulldoze them down.  Things became stagnant and she left feeling unloved because he chose to respect her boundaries, usually physical boundaries.  Respect doesn't buy as much for women as it does men.  I know my claim here won't cause many women to stop trying to sell respect as something they want (for it is something they want), but to be loved (even when it trumps respect) is more better.

To be fair, there's a case to be made for wives overriding their husband's wills.  After all, that's a big reason why married men live longer.  She makes him go to the hospital, she forces him to eat better, and she provides a reason for him to take fewer risks.  There's a whole lingerie list of why lovin' makes both sexes live longer, but there's more...

Bird/plane/husband

Not being a woman, I don't know the full impact of feeling exceptionally loved may have on a woman, but I imagine it's similar to what it feels like to be highly admired as a man.  I admit to wanting to feel loved, but I know that respect and admiration have a strengthening effect which being loved does not (being loved, for me, has more of a healing effect).  This strengthening effect makes a man 10 times stronger and more amazing (women: read this as "more willing to serve and help around the house", or take a PAX class - it will change you and your man forever).  This goes beyond the cute girl inspiring the tired runner to open up his stride.  Something about a woman's simple admiration, in public or private, builds a man up in a way that no other affirmation can.  It stirs something deep - something I'd argue is in the masculine spirit itself.  It makes him willing and able to rise to any challenge, especially for her.

The key here is that respect shown in a way that is almost separate from love has a way of building a man up even though such "loveless" respect may feel disappointing to a woman.  If we can ignore how over-the-top and chauvinistic this sounds: If she sees him as a god, he will become a god (this matches a dying tradition where an Indian wife aspires to see her husband as a god).  If we look closely here, the woman is the one with the power to make a man powerful, and she does this without a showering love or a needy love or showing how desirable her man is, but rather simply admiring and respecting him.